Guy was balancing two options in Cannes this morning: Take in the press screening of Rob Marshall’s “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” or catch up on some much-needed rest. Given that I had already suffered the experience, I suggested he spare himself the 130-odd minutes of anguish and, I don’t know, lie in a park and eat a baguette or something.
Truly, this film is the embarrassing, excruciating fourth installment of a franchise that bottomed out somewhere in the middle of the second. I wanted it to end the minute it started, and knowing there were over two hours to come, it was a trying, trying experience. The only thing that kept my attention was the placement of Penélope Cruz’s crucifix necklace.
But no one is pretending this is anything beyond a paycheck for talent and a conservative money-grabbing maneuver on the studio’s part. I guess you can’t blame them. Opening weekend will be huge. Nevertheless, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to stand in the streets and scream, beg for consumers not to spend their money on a film so badly. Hopefully the final receipts will fall short of the marks reached by the other entries.