FRIDAY FORECAST: Stop giving Friedberg & Seltzer your money!

Posted by · 1:16 pm · August 20th, 2010

*All historical figures cited are adjusted to today’s dollars.

Alright guys. Enough is enough. The only thing less funny than a spoof movie made by Friedberg & Seltzer is the conceptual gag that America keeps playing where we ironically buy tickets to see them. Just to make fun of it, of course. Only problem is we’re giving them real money and they are super rich and successful, despite being the worst thing to happen to filmmaking since, well, ever.

“Vampires Suck” leads a gaggle of new releases this week and it’s actually already been out since Wednesday. The beyond tired spoof racked up $6.4 million in two days and should be on course for another $14 or $15 million during the weekend. The last time these two got behind a camera was “Disaster Movie,” which epic failed at the end of summer 2008 and gave hope that these clowns would never work again. But that film was their only one released by Lionsgate, not Fox, and they didn’t know how to market the gold placed in their hands.

Focusing on the biggest phenomenon in film isn’t a bad idea either to get back on track. Congratulations America. You’ve made a scene where something large falls out of the sky and lands on the Old Spice Guy on a horse a part of cinema box office history (note: I have not seen “Vampires Suck” but I’ll eat my hat if that scene isn’t in it).

Thank God Nanny McPhee has returned. Already a hit overseas (where it’s known as “Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang), Universal wisely changed the title to “Nanny McPhee Returns” so hard core creationists will still give it a fair shake. Except they won’t, because she’s got a witchy nose and witches are evil. We’ll stick to our episodes of “Gerbert” thank you very much. The original film was a surprise hit here with a $17.6 million debut in 2006, but I don’t know how many people thought the ending left too many unanswered questions. A dearth of family product could help it along to $12 million.

“Piranha 3D” is probably the top choice for the demographic of this blog and if forced at multiple Predator-style gunpoints to see something this weekend, I guess I’d choose it too. Possibly too kitschy to appease actual horror fans, Weinstein hasn’t been as aggressive with the property as one of the bigger studios could have and I think a soft $10 million opening will be the end result.

Still, Christopher Lloyd hasn’t appeared in a film with a debut like that since “My Favorite Martian” and he deserves better than that. He’s Dr. Emmett Brown for Christ’s sake. P.S. Remember “Suburban Commando?”

New releases keep rolling with “The Switch” from Miramax, which is essentially defunct. Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman test the limits of how ridiculous and nasty romantic comedy concepts can get, yet still be resolved with a 30 second heartfelt speech in public (and/or the rain). Bateman is a pro at appearing in late summer bombs (“The Ex,” “Extract”) and this will be another notch in his belt. It’ll be lucky to gross $4 million.

But wait! “Lottery Ticket” is opening as well. Bow Wow heads a crowded cast of former musicians, VJs and stand-up comedians in yet another film about how crazy it is living in an African American community. So crazy, but there’s a lot of heart there too and you’re nothing without your neighborhood is what I’m pretty sure the lesson is. Ice Cube is behind this project and he’s some kind of box office magician so this should do decent business with a low screen count. Maybe even $10 million.

Phew! That’s it for new releases. So does “The Expendables” have enough steroids in its arms to stay number one? I think a 60% drop is a given so that would be $14 million and a decent chance. Of course, “Eat Pray Love” should hold significantly better and could pull as much as $13 million for itself. Could be interesting.

One thing’s for sure and it’s that “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” won’t be anywhere near the top with a probable 55-60% drop to $5 million. Game over Scott Pilgrim. You’ll live on as the Halloween costume of lazy hipsters everywhere so chin up.

What are you guys seeing this week?

[Photo: Fox]

→ 35 Comments Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Filed in: Box Office · Friday Forecast

35 responses so far

  • 1 8-20-2010 at 1:26 pm

    Sawyer said...

    I think I’ll stay home and watch the trailers to The Social Network, Black Swan and Love and Other Drugs over and over again.

  • 2 8-20-2010 at 1:30 pm

    pops3284 said...

    As likable as Jason Bateman is I dont understand how a movie about a cancelled tv show(Arrested Development) with three leads (Arnett, the brothers solomon, Cera, SP and Jason Bateman) who have flopped horribly in the last 3 years could possibly be a hit?

  • 3 8-20-2010 at 2:00 pm

    Andrew M said...

    Man I hate Ice Cube

  • 4 8-20-2010 at 2:41 pm

    James D. said...

    Had no idea about the Nanny McPhee name change. Hilarious.

  • 5 8-20-2010 at 3:23 pm

    AdamL said...

    Who cares if the AD movie will be a hit. It will be amazing. Best. Sitcom. Ever.


  • 6 8-20-2010 at 3:38 pm

    Chad Hartigan said...

    Arrested Development sucks. Unless we’re talking about the hip hop group responsible for “Tennessee”.

  • 7 8-20-2010 at 4:20 pm

    Maxim said...

    Vampires Sucks looks better made and funnier than most any spoof movie released in the last ten years. It’s also seems to boast better visual effects (seriously) than the actual Twilight films.

  • 8 8-20-2010 at 4:59 pm

    tony rock said...

    Arrested Development is one of the best shows of the past decade. Chad, you irritate me more and more every day. But I suppose that’s your job ;)

  • 9 8-20-2010 at 5:44 pm

    Smokey said...

    Were I in New York, I would see “Modern Love is Automatic.”

  • 10 8-20-2010 at 6:42 pm

    MovieMan said...

    “Flipped” isn’t a bad film, but Rob Reiner has done much better in the past (see his terrific, directly previous “The Bucket List” for proof). It could’ve been great, but it pales in comparison to such masterworks as “Bridge to Terabithia.”

    Like the 2006 original, “Nanny McPhee Returns” is nothing more than a trifle, and it gets lost in its own 60s-era Disneyfication. It sets itself up as a modern answer to “Mary Poppins” but it’s not half as magical.

    “Piranha” lacks any sort of point, but it’s so very, very bloody that the screen sometimes is redden with the red stuff that it turns crimson. This is the respectable 1978 original, pumped full of adrenaline. As it should be.

    “The Switch” isn’t romantic, dramatic, comedic, or believable in any respect. It’s bland, ineffectual, doesn’t make an impact of any sort, and, despite working slightly better than the similar “The Back-Up Plan,” isn’t very smart.

    “Vampires Suck” is admittedly superior to Friedberg/Seltzer’s past three excursions into witless cinematic hell, but it still refuses to genuinely spoof its targets, resorting to lazy pop culture references. Sometimes amazingly awful.

  • 11 8-20-2010 at 6:46 pm

    Filmoholic said...

    “You’ll live on as the Halloween costume of lazy hipsters everywhere so chin up.”

    What does Scott Pilgrim have to do with “hipsters”? Can we please stop throwing that word around? People were doing the same thing when Where The Wild Things Are was released, but no one seems able to explain what is it about these movies that makes people who like them hipsters? Heck, I’d love an explanation of what the word “hipster” precisely means.

  • 12 8-20-2010 at 9:21 pm

    Chad Hartigan said...

    I said nothing about the film appealing to hipsters. Just that lazy hipsters will nick the costume for Halloween.

  • 13 8-20-2010 at 9:56 pm

    Glenn said...

    I’d be seeing “Piranha 3D” if I was in America. But I’m not, so I won’t. We’ve got an election going on this w/e so it’s all about volunteering and following that.

  • 14 8-20-2010 at 10:02 pm

    Speaking English said...

    Actually, I’m more curious as to what exactly the “costume” would be.

  • 15 8-20-2010 at 10:52 pm

    Zack said...

    So first we had two Leonardo-DiCaprio-obsessed-with-his-dead-wife movies this year, then we had two parody-of-buddy-cop-movies-wherein-one-cop-is-a-serious-actor-and-the-other-was-on-SNL movies, and now we have two sperm-donor-reenters-his-kid’s-life movies. Huh.
    (Yes, I know that the latter two are otherwise completely different movies, the primary difference being I’m never going to see “The Switch.”)

  • 16 8-20-2010 at 10:54 pm

    Zack said...

    Also: far as I can tell, a hipster is a pejorative other hipsters use against each other. Sort of the inverse of “My n—a”.

  • 17 8-21-2010 at 12:16 am

    ThreeOfAKind said...

    Saw Get Low this afternoon.

    Since I usually find my opinions in lock-step with Guy Lodge, I’m rather surprised to say that it’s probably the best film I’ve seen all year. Sure, it’s “small” and not of overwhelming consequence, but I didn’t spot a false step the whole way through.

    Gorgeously framed, well-acted and filled with some off-color wit and charm — It’s just an enjoyable sit.

    If you’re looking for something this weekend, definitely skip the Piranhas and Vampires and give it a go.

  • 18 8-21-2010 at 1:02 am

    Guy Lodge said...

    “Actually, I’m more curious as to what exactly the “costume” would be.”

    Hence it being the choice of lazy hipsters, right?

    Were I Stateside, I’d choose “The Switch” this weekend. But you all knew that.

  • 19 8-21-2010 at 7:02 am

    James D. said...

    I usually agree with you nine times out of ten, Hartigan, but Arrested Development is the best American comedy show after Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm. It is still funny every time I watch it.

  • 20 8-21-2010 at 7:31 am

    Aaron G said...

    hartigan is sounding more and more like someone’s dad at this point. i didn’t know that hipsters were huge gaming geeks. here i was thinking they were music and film snobs, who shop at urban outfitters all day and party all night. but i guess dad hartigan sees a movie with twentysomethings rocking haphazardly applied hair dye and he gets all confused.

  • 21 8-21-2010 at 9:52 am

    Jacob S. said...

    I saw Animal Kingdom and Muppets Take Manhattan on big screens this week. I was surprised at how boring the former was. The main actor was especially awful and had the mannerisms of a forklift. The latter film was really fun.

    Nothing looks very interesting this week, but Cherrybomb comes out on DVD Monday, so I’ll be watching that.

  • 22 8-21-2010 at 10:03 am

    Adam Smith said...

    OK, Chad, I’ve got to hear your defense of Arrested Development sucking. Because I think that I’ve honestly never met someone who didn’t like it.

  • 23 8-21-2010 at 10:24 am

    Jonathan Foster said...

    Chad Hartigan is the worst. He only gave my birthday a B-.

  • 24 8-21-2010 at 11:26 am

    Speaking English said...

    ***Sure, it’s “small” and not of overwhelming consequence, but I didn’t spot a false step the whole way through.***

    Not even that ending? Blech.

  • 25 8-21-2010 at 12:05 pm

    Chad Hartigan said...

    Foster’s birthday has been growing in my mind as time passes. Maybe I’ll bump it up to a B+.

  • 26 8-21-2010 at 4:33 pm

    Joseph said...

    I will admit that I watched Superhero Movie, but that was the ONLY one. Don’t hurt me! I repent.

  • 27 8-21-2010 at 4:33 pm

    ThreeOfAKind said...

    SE: Which part of it?

  • 28 8-21-2010 at 4:58 pm

    Speaking English said...

    The ending. The entire maudlin, ridiculously unnecessary and pandering part that comes after Robert Duvall walks towards the woman in the woods.

  • 29 8-21-2010 at 6:49 pm

    Ben M. said...

    Joseph, Superhero Movie wasn’t made by Friedberg & Seltzer so you are good there. Anyway I saw Piranha 3D and a re-release of Dial M for Murder (which I had previously seen on VHS) and may go to The Tillman Story or Lebanon on Sunday.

    Actually with what I saw this weekend, as well as seeing a re-release of Kiss Me Kate last weekend and taking my nephew to Step Up during the week (since it was either that or Cats & Dogs), I realized that the last four films I’ve seen have been in 3D. And what was funny is naturally the older films were better movies (Step Up was incredibly by-the-numbers while Piranha got the last act right but wasn’t the fun guilty pleasure I thought it may be from the reviews) but even the 3D tech behind the old films was better than the 2D conversion of Piranha, which just highlights how much actually shooting for 3D makes a difference.

  • 30 8-21-2010 at 6:59 pm

    AdamL said...

    Anyone who thinks Shutter Island is the worst movie ever filmed has to be at least a little mentally challenged, so whilst I’m not totally shocked you think AD sucks, I still find it barely credible that anyone with a brain can watch it and not love it.

    Maybe we can watch AD together one day and I can explain why it is so hilarious?

  • 31 8-22-2010 at 12:23 am

    Chad Hartigan said...

    I didn’t think Shutter Island was the worst thing ever filmed, I just thought it wasn’t worth the rest of my hour and a half at that moment. Just like I don’t think watching any more Arrested Development is worth the time invested, but thanks for the offer.

  • 32 8-22-2010 at 9:40 am

    Joseph said...

    @Ben M

    Well, that makes me feel a LITTLE better. :)

  • 33 8-22-2010 at 10:49 am

    Hans said...

    If you’d asked me theforst time I saw a trailer, the next ten times I saw the trailer, even up until yesterday when I finally got around to checking Internet things due to my Internet fast for my MCAT on Friday, I would have put $1000 down on Piranha 3D being a critical flop. So color me surprised when I open up Rotten Tomatoes yesterday to find it at 80%. Now that it looks to be a commercial flop, I’m a little disappointed since I tend to cheer for mainstream blockbuster movies that at least seem to make an effort.

  • 34 8-22-2010 at 1:00 pm

    ThreeOfAKind said...

    SE: Maybe. I guess It could have ended right there, but I was OK with the last five minutes or so. I could see how someone would think it hammered the anvil a little long, though.

  • 35 8-23-2010 at 11:24 am

    MovieMan said...

    Hans: “Piranha” makes a hell of an effort and succeeds, even if it’s completely inconsequential. It’s better than “Inception” in that regard (Whoops. I’m not supposed to say that, am I?)