FRIDAY FORECAST: Your worst ‘Nightmare’

Posted by · 3:27 pm · April 30th, 2010

*All historical figures cited are adjusted to today’s dollars.

The summer movie season doesn’t officially start until next weekend, but Warner Bros. aims to get a jump on things by releasing their high profile horror remake, “A Nightmare on Elm Street” before the storm. By all accounts, it should work, as horror audiences have proven time and again that they’ll fork over their money to see any movie they previously liked redone with slightly darker lighting, slightly less imagination and infinitely more budget money.

I once thought that this particular remake was doomed because unlike the Jason or Halloween franchises, the iconic central character was tied to one actor and fickle audiences might not respond to any recasting. Of course, this was ridiculous thinking on my part and this film will be bigger than either of those other reboots. At least on opening weekend. “Friday the 13th” made $41.4 million on its opening weekend last year, with the help of Monday being a holiday and I think we can look for something similar here. And hundreds of lazy hipsters who already own striped red sweaters have locked down their Halloween costumes.

I think the next horror flick to get a remake should be “April Fool’s Day.” That thing scared the crap out of me when I was a kid. Or “The Peanut Butter Solution,” which isn’t a horror film but something that still haunts me to this day. His hair just grows and grows!

Speaking of horror, Brendan Fraser squares off against pissed of animals in “Furry Vengeance.” I feel like that title has to be a pun on something but I can’t for the life of me figure out what. I refuse to believe the filmmakers opted for a non-pun title on this project. Brendan Fraser can open a movie where he runs away from things yelling in the desert or the center of the Earth, but he has a hard time with family comedies. “Monkeybone” anyone?

Summit also has no experience releasing this type of film. Their forte is still broody vampires and Best Picture winners (and you heard it here first, “Eclipse” is gonna be both!) Kids can only see “How to Train Your Dragon” so many times, but still. This thing is not going to make any money. Maybe if the animals talked, you could add a couple million to the tally, but a non-pun titled family film with non-talking animals? Please. $6 million tops.

Last weekend’s openers are almost too depressing and forgettable to mention. But “The Back-Up Plan” could fall a decent 40%, while “The Losers” will be lucky to keep half of its audience. “Date Night” and “How to Train Your Dragon” will continue to hold well, sucking up the last bit of scraps before summer obliterates them.

Oh, and for anyone who thinks Freddy Kreuger is too cuddly, go see “The Human Centipede” and see if you ever eat, sleep or leave the house again. Last weekend before Robert Downey Jr. does his flippant, too cool for school thing in an armor costume!

What are you guys seeing this weekend?

→ 13 Comments Tags: , , , , , , , | Filed in: Box Office · Friday Forecast

13 responses so far

  • 1 4-30-2010 at 3:57 pm

    Mr. F said...

    April Fool’s Day has already been remade, but it went straight to video.

  • 2 4-30-2010 at 4:01 pm

    Estefan said...

    “Brendan Fraser can open a movie where he runs away from things yelling in the desert or the center of the Earth, but he has a hard time with family comedies.”
    George of the Jungle, anyone? Admittedly, he wasn’t a star yet and it was riding on the Disney name and nostalgia of the cartoon, but still worth mentioning.

    And Monkeybone is hardly a family comedy. I mean, the film opens with a cartoon of a boy getting aroused by his teacher’s floppy arms. Hardly something to take the kids to.

  • 3 4-30-2010 at 4:15 pm

    Chad Hartigan said...

    Point taken Estefan. Or should I say… Brendan Fraser.

  • 4 4-30-2010 at 4:56 pm

    mark kratina said...

    @ Chad:

    The Peanut Butter Solution! Mercy, I saw that in 1985 and I remember being freaked out- but I could never remember the name of the film- I was only 7.

    As soon as I read Peanut Butter Solution, I knew that HAD to be the flick. Weird, freaky film. It has stayed with me after 25 years.

  • 5 4-30-2010 at 5:07 pm

    Estefan said...

    “Point taken Estefan. Or should I say‚Ķ Brendan Fraser.”
    lol, I actually kind of like Brendan Fraser, but I will be the first to admit that Monkeybone and Journey to the Center of the Earth are terrible. And I have no intention on seeing Furry Vengeance.

  • 6 4-30-2010 at 5:12 pm

    mark kratina said...

    While we’re talking box office, mark your calendars people:

    July 20, 2012

    The official release date for Batman 3.

    And so it begins…………….

  • 7 4-30-2010 at 6:18 pm

    MovieMan said...

    “Furry Vengeance” is vile, obnoxious, irredeemable trash not fit for even Disney Channel. It’s literally cruel to the psyches of children everywhere. Barf.

    “The Human Centipede (First Sequence)” is stronger in certain areas than others, but any hardcore horror nut (like me) will respond well to it. So will anyone with a strong stomach.

    “A Nightmare on Elm Street” is certainly not terrible; it’s too stylish to labeled as such. Unfortunately, it’s just another horror redo of a classic that doesn’t spice things up one bit.

  • 8 4-30-2010 at 6:54 pm

    lop said...

    eclipse a best picture winner?
    i think breaking dawn has a better chance with bill condon

  • 9 4-30-2010 at 6:55 pm

    lop said...

    eclipse a best picture winner?
    i think breaking dawn has a better chance with bill condon…

  • 10 4-30-2010 at 10:40 pm

    Jeremy said...

    I finally saw “How to Train Your Dragon” today. It’s hardly revelatory, but I can understand why it’s done so well at the box office. It’s a familiar but pleasant story, the animation is smooth and supple, and Jay Baruchel absolutely drills the lead voice part (honestly, is there a better actor to cast as the voice of a nerdy, completely unathletic teenager?). In terms of other mainstream April movies, it isn’t as entertaining as “Kickass”, but it’s certainly more fun and enjoyable than “Clash of the Titans”.

    Looking forward to Tony Stark’s return next week (along with the entire rest of the freaking country, I imagine).

  • 11 5-01-2010 at 2:45 am

    crazycris said...

    Um, I actually saw Iron Man yesterday!

    Could it be Europe got a full week head’s up on the US for once?! YES!!! :)

    Tony Stark is just as much fun the second time around, with an even bigger ego… if possible! I think for once they didn’t screw up a sequel! :)

  • 12 5-01-2010 at 12:29 pm

    Mike_M said...

    No mention of Phish 3D? That is what I will be seeing…

  • 13 5-02-2010 at 7:22 am

    Adam M. said...

    The Human Centipede??? No. Just no. I mean, I’m going to watch it, but I tremble. Hold me.