Really, Hollywood? Really?

Posted by · 10:35 am · July 7th, 2009

Charlie Sheen in Major LeagueWe’re all accustomed by now to Hollywood’s insatiable appetite for rehashes, but nonetheless, two reports yesterday of imminent sequels still gave me pause. While one is as depressing as it is predictable, the other is just, well, weird.

To deal with the former project first, by now you’ve probably all heard the confirmation that Mssrs. Spielberg, Ford and LaBeouf are set to dethaw Indiana Jones’s frozen corpse one more time. Of course, “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Crystal Skull” all but promised a sequel itself last year, but there was always the hope that time might stop, gravity might reverse itself, and the fifth film might not come to pass.

Cinematical yesterday expressed faint hope that the series can be salvaged (if only because it could hardly get worse), but suffice to say the majority of the blogging world isn’t with them. Of course, I’d say this is the sequel that nobody asked for, but since last year’s atrocity still raked in the dollars, I can’t.

No, yesterday’s title of “sequel that really nobody asked for” had to go to “Major League 4.” That’s right, “Major League 4.” (If you’re too young to know what I’m talking about, look it up. And then please kill me.)

Moviehole reports that baseball vet Bob Uecker, who of course starred in the first three go-rounds for the popular sports comedy, has confirmed that a fourth installment is in the works … over a decade after “Major League: Back to the Minors” was widely derides and swiftly buried.

Seriously, who decided that the cinematic landscape was in need of this? Like zillions of other people, I liked the 1989 original, which cheerfully cheesy and has dated about as much as you’d expect. (I mean, we’re talking about an era when Charlie Sheen was a movie star. It was a more innocent time.) But I like — no, love — “Bull Durham” a whole lot more, and I’m not calling for a sequel to that, much less a fourth.

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11 responses so far

  • 1 7-07-2009 at 10:56 am

    James D. said...

    Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was nowhere near as bad as people made it out to be.

  • 2 7-07-2009 at 10:58 am

    Yih said...

    yes…yes it was

  • 3 7-07-2009 at 11:03 am

    Sawyer said...

    You’re right. It was worse.

  • 4 7-07-2009 at 11:42 am

    Mark Kratina said...

    The Major League sequels stunk because they were PG-13 whereas the original was rated “R.”

    Major League is, for me, the funniest film of my childhood. I was nearly 11 when it came out and my Dad would not allow me to go. I suckered Grandma into taking me and we laughed until it hurt. I can’t tell you how many of my baseball-playing teammates packed little Trolls into their bat-bags to serve as their mini-Joboos. Just a classic- it is a gem to watch every Spring to help get psyched for the baseball season.

    This film is also noteworthy for me because, when I walked out of the theater, there right behind the glass counter where the theater sold the candy, was the novelization of the upcoming Batman film starring Keaton and Nicholson. I bought it for $5 and have never looked back where the Batman character is concerned.

    Isn’t it funny how everything comes back to Batman?

  • 5 7-07-2009 at 11:59 am

    El Rocho said...

    ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’ was fine until the end…Why aliens, Spielberg? WHY!? How do you do from fascinating searches as the Ark of the Covenent to some ancient Indian death-stones to the Holy Grail to….fucking aliens?!? WHen that spaceship flew up out of the pyramid I was flabberghasted. Shocked. And disgusted. Up to that point it was fun and what I expected from an Indy movie. But then it took a dramatic left turn for the worst. I’m sad to say.

  • 6 7-07-2009 at 12:38 pm

    AmericanRequiem said...

    It wasnt that bad guys, we just had such a higher standard set before in the original trilogy, if we’ve learned anything its that after 3 movies a franchise should end, but I do have faith in Speilberg to redeem himself for the fourth, the fifth could be great, and the sixth has to be awesome, right?

  • 7 7-07-2009 at 12:46 pm

    Jonathan Spuij said...

    Indy IV was still better than most of the other summer blockbusters. And the aliens, well it’s pretty simple. The original trilogy was an homage to 30’s serial adventures. This film an homage to 50’s sci-fi movies. It makes sense, it really isn’t all that bad.

  • 8 7-07-2009 at 2:18 pm

    red_wine said...

    I liked the Crystal Skull. The plot was ludicrous but the film was fun. It had atleast 1 brilliant action scene and John Williams made a welcome return after 3 years. I really wouldn’t mind another one afterall, like you said, it could only be better.

    But seriously Spielberg should stop middling around and go make a serious movie. Or maybe this film will ensure that he receives financing for his Lincoln project.

  • 9 7-07-2009 at 3:03 pm

    Jeremy said...

    I agree with several of the commentors and disagree with Guy. I didn’t like the last 25 minutes of “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”, which found Spielberg again feebly mining his tiresome alien territory, but I found the rest of the movie thoroughly entertaining, with engaging performances from Ford, Blanchett, and LaBeouf, as well as one truly spectacular action sequence. It may not have been as good as the first three in the series, but it’s been unfairly maligned.

    Another “Major League” sequel, on the other hand, would be simply horrendous. The first “Major League” movie is iconic; those that came after are just trash.

  • 10 7-07-2009 at 4:46 pm

    Casey Fiore said...

    Tapley – don’t give “them” any ideas… if they find out we like Bull Durham they might try to remake it

  • 11 7-07-2009 at 5:04 pm

    Guy Lodge said...

    Oh God, I’m sorry … what a horrible thought. And knowing our luck, they’d also probably ditch the age angle from the plot (“Older women … eeewwww!”) and cast Megan Fox instead.

    By the way, it was me who posted the article, not Kris … though I totally get why I’m not the first person who comes to mind when it comes to fans of Ron Shelton.